Queen Never Cry... but maybe it's time she did

When I get one of those nasty, nagging feelings at the bottom of my stomach, it tends to linger until I confront it. And when an emotion lingers, it lingers - like the bitter stench of too much aftershave when a guy waltzes past you in a bar. I've had many experiences where it feels like the only option is to keep everything withheld. Because, why would you talk to someone about a problem that they can't even help you with? Regardless, I wanted to share my 3 favourite methods to overcome this self-imposed isolation, and why they work for me. Of course, everyone is different, and whilst not everything may work for you, at the very least I hope that I can provide you with some insight into how to overcome these mind hurdles.

Write about it

I know, I know. It sounds so cliché. But like a trashy high school girl would run home and complain to her journal about dreamy crushes, boring classes, and annoying classmates, you too can release a lot of mental tension just by jotting down your thoughts on paper. Or on your phone, I'm not fussy.

My favourite way to do this is by writing songs. There is something so poetic about taking something negative and turning it into art. I've written countless songs about ex-lovers, hopeless romance, crippling insecurities, and my fear of the unknown. Some of these songs I'm really proud of, some are alright, and... some are awful. Like, did-I-say-stand-there-and-look-stupid?-No-I-said-BURN-IT level awful. But the act of actually thinking about what I was feeling, and what I wanted to say about it, really helped me get over the gnawing in my stomach. One example is when I found out that my friend started dating my ex behind my back, and when I found out about it, it was all I could see. From that hurt and betrayal, I wrote a song called "I Can See Him In Your Eyes", a fiery ballad about how when you love someone, you start to impersonate them - and how this was such a painful thing for me to watch.

Journaling is another way to write about your feelings - I have a lot of friends who do this every night before they go to bed. They treat it like a debrief session, sitting with someone and talking about their day... except you're talking to a notebook. Still, by thinking about what you want to say, and the added bonus of being able to go back and read what you wrote, you're forcing yourself to reflect on how you're feeling, and this subconsciously helps you rationalise everything a bit more.

Now, of course, writing is not the only creative outlet that can be used to process emotions. There's a whole wide world of creative activities out there, and a lot of them can definitely help! Whether your passion is drawing, choreography, filmmaking, or even belting out dramatic ballads in the shower at 4am (hopefully in an empty house), making the active choice to do something about how you're feeling is the first time. How you choose to do that is completely up to you.

Talk to someone

Another cliché, but a very important one. Having close connections is really important, especially in modern times. There is so much to stress out about in our current world that goes so much further than personal problems. And whilst your dad or your close friend won't be able to solve climate change or whatever's going on in politics right now, talking about it to someone you trust is an excellent way to get those pesky thoughts and worries out your brain and into the open.

You can even take this one step further by turning it into a ritual. With my old uni housemate, we had what we called "Tea and Wine Tuesdays", where we would spill tea and drink wine... on Tuesdays. This was great because sometimes I had nothing to talk about, but my friend did, or vice versa. Sometimes we both had things to talk about. And sometimes... we were both completely content, and just revelled in the pleasantries of a good week. Having a regular meet-up with a friend that I trusted was so important for getting through my second year of uni - from messy break-ups, to self-esteem dips, to just general lowness, it was nice to have those sacred Tuesday nights to let it all out so that we could move on from it.

Having a trusted support system is crucial for this. Those people that you hold dearly only want the best for you, and will absolutely want to listen if you need to get something off your chest. And if you truly have no-one else to turn to... then I'll be here for you, friend. I am always happy to be a friendly ear to whoever needs it. Hell, I've even gotten over things by just talking to myself in the mirror. Does that make me a crazy person? Surely not...

Find a healthy distraction

Often when we think of distraction, it is met with negative connotations. You're meant to be making dinner, but you accidentally opened TikTok and suddenly three hours have passed, it's 9:30pm and the sound of your stomach rumbling reminds you of your procrastinated meal. But in certain cases, distraction can be a very helpful tool, if done correctly.

It is all too easy to get trapped in a mind spiral. You have a little nagging thought, and because you're too busy you push it back to the dark corners of your mind. You carry on like before, until you find yourself alone, in silence, and that annoying little thought creeps back into the forefront of your mind. And suddenly, it's all you can think about. The thought grows, twists and contorts, evolving into something so much worse than how it started out. When you find yourself getting to this point, nothing is more important than taking a step back.

There are so many ways to do this. A classic choice of mine is a good old walk in nature. Nothing compares to the quiet beauty of a forest path following the curve of a babbling brook, reflecting the light of the glowing sun. Taking this time to focus on yourself, get some exercise, and take in the scenery of your local nature walk can help bring you back to reality where your big problems are actually a lot smaller than they seemed. Most often, I walk with headphones in, blasting my favourite songs, but the soundscape of the walk is almost always just as calming - singing birds, the flow of the stream, leaves rustling in the wind... damn, maybe I should take my headphones out every once in a while.

Something else I love to do is the 5 senses exercise. When I get overwhelmed by tasks and I cannot seem to stop my brain from flying all over the place, I bring myself back to the present by using the senses. You ask yourself to identity 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. By the time you've gone through all that, you're back in the room. I especially do this if I'm under time pressure, such as before an interview or in the middle of an exam. Taking that moment for yourself to distract from the threat of the task allows you to come back to it with fresh eyes and assess the situation with a clear head.

In my life, I have found that there is little more important things than healthily processing each feeling that passes through you, especially if it's one you can't quite place. Take for example, you meet someone new at your job. They're super nice to everyone, they're good at their job... but there's just something about them that rubs you the wrong way. The more that you try to push past this feeling, the more you will push yourself away from this person. And whilst this can be a daunting concept - to delve into the darkest corners of your mind and try and get to the root of every problem - the sudden light bulb moment when you finally place what was bothering you is so relieving. So don't be afraid to confront your brain, because the thing that was holding you back is probably a lot smaller than you think. I believe in you! <3